dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
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I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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