did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
