new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
