Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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