I wish I could punch you in the face.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
