I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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