my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
