My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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