I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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