he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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