No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
