If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
