But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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