Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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