Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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