I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
