how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
