Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
