The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
