Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
