Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
