3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
