he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
