just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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