Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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