yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
