you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
