Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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