if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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