I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
