Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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