to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
