So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
