I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
false alarm, still single
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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