If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
