Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
