literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
