your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
