Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
