like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
