well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
