just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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