Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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