How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
