Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you traded sex for a burrito?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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