Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
