Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
