yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
