we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
