The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
