why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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