i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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