So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
