in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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