wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I died a long time ago.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
