eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
