i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
