I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
