I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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