It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
