You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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