Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
