We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
