i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
