PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
