I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
