you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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