I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
