Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
