my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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