can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
