tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
